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2007-10-11 - 5:37 p.m.

I have moved and am now at, although it's not strictly about me anymore.... Boy, that took some time.

2006-03-03 - 10:54 a.m.

moving to blogspot, will let you know.

2005-11-29 - 7:23 p.m.

adopt your own virtual pet!

Everyone should be eating a lot more blue cheese accompanied by some homemade rhubarb chutney, I had some last night in bed and boy, it was just divine.

I have a cold; I�m snotting everywhere and generally being particularly difficult to live with. Today I spent in bed, moaning occasionally and stuffing tissues up my nostrils in an attempt to stem the evil tides of mucus which poured liked some everlasting tsunami from my inflamed, poorly snout.

I watched reams and reams of terrible day time T.V. it�s a cold day in hell that I will actually sit through and perversely enjoy The Des and Mel show , surely he has Alzheimers by now.

I�m excited that my sister will be on Radio 4, I�ve always harboured a secret desire to be on Radio 4 but as I am not remotely interesting this has so far not occurred. When will my fifteen minutes of fame happen? Being in the background of a news broadcast about the pope mobile does not quite cut it. Anyway she will be talking on Woman�s Hour this Thursday and I believe, due to the magnificence of technology, one can listen to it online if one so wishes.

2005-11-22 - 8:04 p.m.

Clearly someone needs to alert the world of Estate Agents that it is high time they took their collective heads out of their collective asses. Don�t come telling me that �I am uncontactable� and as a result have purposefully destroyed their day by arriving 2 minutes late for a viewing. Not all of us want to microwave our brains by utilising mobile gadgetry and some of us functioned quite well without them way back when all we had available were antediluvian public phone boxes.

Having said that I do have a mobile phone but generally only like to use it for absolute emergencies and naughty text messages.

Currently I am �3 job Jenny�, not to be confused with �3 job Charlie�(see below)�today was Upholstery Day as opposed to Fairy-Making Day or Medical-Conference-Lady Day where I have to be all smiley and nice to people I don�t know. (Turns out being all smiley and nice is particularly trying for me unless, of course, they happen to be extremely attractive Doctor types).
Anyways as it was upholstery day here is this week�s chair watch.

Today I managed to narrowly avoid staple gunning my thumb to my navel.

2005-11-16 - 4:15 p.m.

Fairy production has been halted briefly today for afternoon dog walking. Afternoon dog walking sounds so pleasant in principle, given that A) I like dogs and B) I enjoy walking on occasion�but not when in charge of my parents dog; a dog who having reached the ripe old age of 5 still doesn�t recognise his own name, which makes it mighty difficult to retrieve him once he is let off the lead.
He is the Anna Nicole Smith of the dog world, pampered and tarty, easy on the eye but thick as a very thick thing indeed. Added to his inability to come when called, sit up, beg, roll over or perform any of the normal doggie-like commands he shits a lot. �3 turd Charlie� we like to call him and even armed with several million Tesco carrier bags and various assorted poop scoops I was still not equipped to deal with his mammoth doggie doos.
Suddenly dachshund ownership does not seem such a sunny idea.

2005-11-15 - 9:29 p.m.

An as yet unconfirmed member of my family has been using my sooper-dooper new lavender-blue-exfoliating-wonder-gloves as a device for cleaning the lavatory pan. This evening during bath time I found them inexplicably moved from their usual residence by the bath taps to behind the back of the loo seat.

What is it with you people wanting to utilise my personal hygiene products as cleaning items, specifically toilet related cleaning items? This is not the first time, nor I�ll wager will it be the last.
Enough already.

2005-11-15 - 7:52 p.m.

Hmmm, been banging away today as an upholsterers apprentice, boy it feels good to get down and dirty with my tools.
Thought you might like to participate in a bit of chair watch, here's last weeks progress

I have black bogeys and two torn finger nails as my rewards.
Jeez, I spoil you people.

2005-11-08 - 8:33 p.m.

The cat died.
Don�t know why I haven�t mentioned it �til now but a neighbour found her rigourmortisesised in his shed.
I had to send Mr.A to bring her home; I can�t cope with dead things.

When I bought my other cat back from the vets after he had been put down, they failed to mention that they carry on 'doing stuff'. They* (*the dearly departed) expel air and sometimes make spluttering coughing sounds like they are still hanging on to this mortal coil.
It is most perturbing�not least when you are in the back of a taxi with something that quite clearly should be dead but sounds like it�s very definitely alive and what�s more, it�s kicking up an almighty, goddamn, splutterygargling fuss and the taxi driver isn�t supposed to know you have animals in the back of his car be they deceased or alive.

Anyway as traumatic as that was for me (and the taxi driver) it was not quite as disturbing as burying a rigour mortised Delilah who really was as stiff as a board and very heavy, like death had made her pile on the pounds.
She would have made an excellent doorstop had she not been quite so whiffy.

We'll miss you Delilah Cat, you were a fine mouser and an excellent pillow warmer�although you were inclined to dribble uncontrollably when fussed and to projectile vomit decomposing bird entrails at very inappropriate moments.

shambhala nirvana

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 your own fun + free diary at! Moving home - 2007-10-11
moving - 2006-03-03
what's occurring? - 2005-11-29
uncontactable - 2005-11-22
Anna Nicole Smith - 2005-11-16